The great thing about blogging is that I have the advantage of sharing a piece of a story and I am in full control. Just like taking a photograph, I can adjust the lighting and angles until I feel comfortable enough to take the shot and finally hit “publish”.
Yesterday morning, I was out for a walk with my dog and I noticed that just up ahead was one of my friendly neighbours. She is a sweet lady who I really enjoy chatting with… but yesterday, I found myself slowing down my pace and even stopping to let the dog “sniff around in the bushes”. I was just finishing up a ninety minute walk. Physically, I was hot and sweaty and emotionally, I was drained. I did not want to be delayed in my plans of returning to the air conditioned bedroom and curling up on my bed. Above all, I did not want to answer her if she asked me how I was doing or worse how my pregnancy was coming along. I succeeded in my mission and returned home to my bedroom without facing the “catastrophic event” that I had made up in my mind.
I’ve been finding myself up and down emotionally lately and resting up in bed often, which is something I rarely have had a chance to do. It is a gift to have our nanny here and be provided with the opportunity to truly rest and be still. I’ve been listening to lots of music, podcasts and sometimes just closing my eyes in silence. Sometimes my mind greets those moments of silence and sometimes my emotions take over like a wave of panic. When I’m feeling lost, I might pick up my phone and text a friend or reply to those emails that have been waiting.
The other day, a dear friend started up a dialogue with me through messenger. She told me to check my email. I scrolled back in my mail and saw the unopened mail sitting in my inbox. She had graciously sent me a gift certificate to Starbucks. The message urged me to spend it however I wanted… it was enough money to take out my whole family for one nice meal together, or, I could split it up into a bunch of little solo “getaways”. Normally, when I receive a gift from someone out of town, I will take a picture with the gift to demonstrate my gratitude. This time, I’ve decided to try something a little different….
First off, I didn’t even tell the kids that I received this gift. I snuck out alone and I had a chai tea treat all by myself. Did I go to the mall and have a shopping spree? Did I grab my tea and head to a park bench? Did I bring it home and sit on the dock by the water? Or did I just stay at the coffee shop to sip and people watch? It is like my own little secret that I am gifted with and it is truly exciting to think about where I could go and what I might see next…